Tuesday, January 26, 2010

All is Well.

I remember the night Robert passed away, the peace I felt. I wouldn't even say it was necessarily bittersweet, because it was mostly sweet. I've thought a lot about the events, played them in my mind, over and over. When I think about it now, I see angels. I know they were everywhere, all around me, Robert, our families, in the halls. I've never felt peace like that, like tons of beautiful whispers of love right into my spirit, comforting me, letting me know everything was going to be okay. I felt their joy, for Robert, a valiant son of God was coming back to them, clean, and as pure as a person can be in this life. He served his mission here, with help from many of the angels that attended us, I believe. I remember making the decisions about letting him go, to take him off his life support. It's those moments that I had clarity like I have never felt before in my life, I had never felt that kind of peace that comes with it. All worry and fear clears out completely, and I knew what was needed, what was right in Heavenly Father's eyes. I imagine that night now with angels, clothed in brilliant white, joy emanating from them. I imagine they were laying comforting, loving hands on all of us, and especially Robert, to give him strength, to let him know we would all be okay. I remember how we sang to Robert as he passed away, and I now hear it with the voices of angels harmonizing with everyone's voices, welcoming Robert home. We were all saying goodbye, but all those angels were rejoicing in his return, they were welcoming him back. It brings me comfort, that I can see that night this way. I see Robert in those brilliant white robes, pure joy on his face, looking more healthy than he ever has, healed perfectly, and knowing that he felt relief, that it had been enough, that he had served in every way he had been asked. "All is well"... I heard it whispered much that night through the spirit, and I hear it often now. Even though I am hurting, I know that it will all be okay, Robert and I will be reunited for eternity, of this, I am sure.

All is well.


  1. I'm sure those who surround your life can only marvel at that wisdom and beauty you hold in your heart. You have expressed it so beautifully and graciously in this post. Please know that even those who don't know you or didn't know Robert personally have been touched by your lives.

  2. Ashley,
    You're truely an inspiration thanks for sharing your life. I never met you or Robert but have been sending my prayers your way along with all the family. You're blessed to have such a wonderful family who loves you dearly. May God continue to bless you and let the angels watch over you.

    Your Arizona Angel.

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  4. Ashley, your experience makes me feel the spirit so strongly. It just burned in my heart when I read this. I've been wondering how you were doing. I'm so glad the Lord has blessed you with such a clear mind and testimony to help you get through this. I think of you so often and pray for your heart to heal. Please know that Jayson and I care and admire your strength more than we can express. We love you and Robert. :-) --Casey

  5. Ashley- thank you so much for sharing these feelings and thoughts. I love to see updates on your blog- you and Robert have been such inspirations to so many people. Thank you for your example and faith! Lot's of prayers and hugs!

  6. Ashley, I too want to tell you how inspiring I think you and Robert are!! I don't know you personally, I found your blog through a friend of Roberts, and haven't been able to stop thinking about you and what you are going through. But I too know that angels are watching over you, and that Robert is in a better place now. And that someday you will be able to be reunited with him again for all eternity. I hope you can continue to find peace. From reading your story, I think you are one amazing person, both you and Robert! Thank you for sharing your journey and your life with us!!
    With love,
    Brittney (I decided to remove the post with my last name, so that all can't see)

  7. I wish I could've been there with all of you that night. I felt the angels that night, though, even from a distance. You shared your memories and feelings surrounding that night beautifully here. Thank you. I love you! You are incredible.

  8. It really made me think how painful is the moment when women are in labour, the pain, sorrow and worrines go away in the exactly moment when the new earthly baby angel is born and changes into happiness. The same way goes backwards when Robert our Brother left us here waiting in pain for his test but afterwards as you mentioned you all sang to him to say goodbye and that moment i am sure he was receiving the happiness in a warm welcome back hug and songs he felt from you in Angels and our Heavenly Parents Presence.

  9. Ashley-
    I know that you don't know me very well, but I want you to know that you are the woman that I dream of becoming. Though I wasn't there during that experience, I can feel it through the incredible words that you shared. Robert was and is so lucky to have such an amazing woman.
    With Love,
    Serretta Barlow (Fast)

  10. Ashley,
    Every time I read the updates on the blog, I cannot help but feel the spirit and the truthfulness of your words. I have no doubt in my mind that you will see Robert again and that your joy will be unmeasurable. Thank you for being such an example of courage and love. Like Serretta said, I dream of becoming a woman like you. We love you and Robert deeply and strive to have the relationship you two had.

  11. Ashley, I'm Karalee's friend from the crestwood ward, Karen Marshall. I've checked out your blog a few times the past little while. What a strong woman you are! I have felt the spirit of Christ in your blog. You are a wonderful example to me and I hope and pray that you will find comfort and strength when you need it most.

  12. Ashley:
    I'm sure you will never fully understand the impact you and Robert have had in my life. Due to the distance between us, we have never been able to be close, but I have drawn strength from your examples of love and dedication to each other and the Lord. Whenever I am feeling overwhelmed or discouraged with life, all I have to do is go back and read this post which truly inspires me to remember that "All is well." You continue to amaze me. I love you.
    Aunt Michelle

  13. I still come back here to see Rob and hope you Ashley are doing OK.


  14. Just thinking of you all today.