Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Ash: "How are you doing?"
Rob: "Ashley, I feel soooo good. I can't even explain it. I just feel so good. Like all my pain is gone and so much has been lifted from me."
At that moment I felt this wave of incredible peace, with a strength that I had never felt before. I immediately began to cry.
Ash: "Wow. That is amazing."(I had no other words for what I knew and felt)
Rob: "I know. I just feel so so good. I wish you could feel this feeling. I never want it to go away.
Ash: "Well I am just glad that you have it, and I think I am feeling a portion of it. I am so excited to see you and I am so happy.
Rob: "Me too. I feel like I can do anything now."
We then said we loved each other and that I would see him soon. I was on one of the highest, if not the highest, spiritual high I have ever experienced. I was overwhelmed with gratitude, love, hope, faith, all of it. It was the first time since I found out Robert's cancer had come back that I just knew that everything was going to be all right. That all of this was going to work. Even if I didn't understand everything, why or how, that I just knew that my faith and hope would carry me through everything that this experience has to offer.When I got to the hospital Robert was glowing. Linda was sure he had gotten some kind of pain meds, but I took one look at him and just knew that Heavenly Father had allowed Robert's pain to be taken away and for him to feel like he could take on anything. To make him feel and know that he could and would do this all again, and come out the other side victorious, and stronger than ever before.
After getting to talk to him alone Robert told me that he had had some sort of a dream state and that he felt things being taken from him and he felt this peace enter him. He kept saying that he would do anything to keep this feeling. He wanted me and Linda to know exactly how it felt. I think I got to feel a tiny portion of how he was feeling, just by being around him. It was simply incredible. I have never experienced anything like it. I have nothing but gratitude for... My Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. I know that he will carry us when we can go no further on our own. For the atonement and its healing powers. For a loving Heavenly Father that will always make up what we lack, who is constantly sending us angels and heavenly assistance when it is needed by us at any moment. For the spirit's strength and comfort. For the connection we have as brothers and sisters to care for one another, and love each other, and serve one another. I am just so grateful for my experiences. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and his divine plan for each of us. There is so much he wants to bless us with, all we have to do is allow him to, and be grateful for whatever way it shows up in our lives.
We love you all very much. Thank you for the power of your prayers.
*Robert is feeling good, his numbers are coming up. He is now .8, and we are grateful to see them rising.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Amanda photographed by James Liu. (aka Mykii)
So Amanda... What is your favorite color? My favorite color is blue
What makes you laugh? All kinds of thing. A joke, someone tickling me, ice blocking and falling on my butt, etc.
If you had to live somewhere for the rest of your life, where would it be? I would live on the beach
Which is a better pet? Dog or cat? Dog because cats dont play with you as much.
What is your favorite TV show? One Tree Hill and Greys Anatomy
Describe yourself in one word. Adventurous
If you could trade places with anyone (living or dead) for a day who would it be? Mandy Moore
What is your passion?To be a wonderful mom
What surprises you most about your life so far? The fact I am 21 and still dont know what to do
Favorite holiday? Christmas and Thanksgiving! I get to see family
Worst habit? Taking long showers
What is something you are really good at? I am good at doing nails
Favorite book? Twilight
The nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? Let me cry on their shoulder
Biggest waste of time? Going to the bathroom
Most happy when? I can sleep haha, and when I am at Disneyland
* Robert continues to feel well, and his infection is improving. As you can tell he has gotten his sense of humor back. Thank you for your continued love and support.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
August 14th, which makes Ashley the birthday girl! If you look really hard and squint your eyes a little you can see the peach fuzz hair that Robert grew back first (before he got his real hair back), on his chin and his head!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Ashley is attending Aveda's cosmetology school. She started in October and has been loving every minute of it! She is doing really well! She took a leave of absence last week, and they will allow her to postpone her studies while she goes with Robert wherever the bone marrow transplant takes them. She and Robert decided that for the next 5-6 weeks she should keep attending school. She goes to school Tuesday through Saturday from 8:00-5:00. I talked to her this evening and she said that school went well, but it was hard to leave this morning knowing that he wasn't feeling well! She's wishing that the sidekick was allowed to fight the war, or at least most of the battles in a superhero duo, but alas it just doesn't work that way!
Robert did have a better night last night. He woke up twice, but was able to go right back to sleep with a little help from pain meds. His fever stayed down most of the night too. He had a cat scan and a chest x-ray today, but they didn't show anything that would be causing him pain. They are pretty sure it is just an infection so they are hoping the antibiotics they have him on will take care of it. His fever was up to 102 at noon today, so he got more Tylenol and he gets his pain meds as needed right now. The good news is that RobDob is really funny on pain medication!
Then there are the sometimes you just feel like . . . Laughing!
During his stay at the hospital in Tucson he told Ashley one day just after receiving meds that, "my pain is like a rolled out carpet!" When she pressed him a little further to see if he needed more than the meds he had just received, and to see if she could understand exactly what that meant Robert only said it again! When he was off the medications later he didn't remember saying it, and didn't have a clue what he possibly could have meant with that comparison.
On Saturday February 7 when they put in his pick line (his more permanent I.V.) they gave him a pain medication that is similar to morphine, but doesn't last as long. Robert turned to Ashley with a big ole' grin and said, "I think I'm high!"
"Ya think?" was Ashley's reply.
Alycia Ashworth and her boyfriend Jake stopped by a little later for a visit and they played a game of UNO. Robert kept laying down the wrong cards, so Ashley was helping him with his hand. Apparently Robert was getting a good look at Ashley's cards as well. Just before her final turn to win the game he laid down his 'draw four' and changed the color from the blue she needed to red, and told her to grab four cards!
"So that's the thanks I get for helping you, huh?" she asked.
Robert quickly quipped, "I play to WIN!" With that same big grin on his face!
We'll hope for another funny story as long as Robert is on pain meds! :)
As for myself I know a little of that helpless feeling too! It feels like all I can do is pray! Robert and Ashley want to thank everyone who is praying for them! They felt the prayers through the last round with leukemia, and definitely feel their strength now! So thank you, and keep the prayers coming!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Hmmm, of course it is President's Day after all, so I will take this opportunity to mention that Ashley is incredibly patriotic and loves being an American. Robert too, but not quite to Ashley's extreme. She has been known to shoe polish her own car with slogans such as, "Don't forget to vote today!" and "Voting is Totally Cool!" She makes t-shirts with iron on letters announcing to the world who she will be voting for that day! She is funny, feisty and spunky! It really shows when she feels strongly about something that is going on in her country, she's not scared to tell you what she thinks about political things! And I think she has a totally pc (you know, as in politically correct) crush on George Washington! Can you blame her? He was a pretty cool and amazing dude! So take this opportunity to be grateful for this country and the wonderful men who shaped it!
God Bless America!
*Robert update: He woke up last night with severe stomach pain and was throwing up this morning. He has an infection of some kind and he got a fever later in the morning. It got up to 103, but they have given him medication for that and started him on an antibiotic. This can happen when his blood counts are so low, because he basically has no immune system. My dad and Robert's friend Scott went to the hospital and gave him a blessing. He started feeling better this evening and was sleeping when I just got this update from Ashley. *His doctors think this is the same AML, or type of cancer that he had before.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Karalee Squires Garber is a cancer, she enjoys long walks on the beach, watching sunsets and baking delectable delights with lots of chocolate in them! :) Okay, while all of those things are true I'll stop writing this as if she is looking for a husband. She has an adorable red-headed one of those already, Todd Garber. They have two beautiful children Tyler Rose, 2 and Elijah 1. Karalee loves staying at home and caring for her children. She and Todd also care for his paternal grandmother, who lives with them.
Karalee is the middle child in our family, that said she is also the oldest of the four 'little girls'. Karalee is two years older than Ashley and they have always been the best of friends. She has always had a big heart, seen others needs and done what she could to help. She is a truly generous and compassionate soul!
Karalee loves to read books, well that is an understatement, she loves to devour books. She can read a book faster than anyone I know. She loves the color blue. Her favorite flower is lavender roses. She is an amazing cook, and even better baker! Chocolate chip cookies is one of her specialties, I can never get mine to turn out quite as well! She loves trying new recipes, and says that baking is a great way for her to unwind. It feeds her! :) In high school she would often have people sing the SaraLee jingle and insert her name, "Nobody does it like Karalee!" They would then request that she make them a favorite treat. Karalee is a licensed massage therapist, and she is amazing. She worked for a doctor and chiropractor before choosing to stay home full time. She has an irrational fear of being chased up stairs and her biggest pet peeve is drivers who don't use their blinkers.
Todd makes Karalee laugh the most, typically when he isn't trying to be funny. According to Todd he is always trying to be funny! She loves the funny things that her children do, they definitely bring her the most joy in her life! If you want to keep an eye on them see here.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
What Cancer Can Not Do
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
Fellow 18 year survivor..never give up hope, never forget to ask for help and most of all remember the power of love and prayer!
Always in all ways,
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
There was Robert Ashworth. He grew up, loved his family, served a mission in the Bahamas and was off to college on a baseball scholarship.
And there was Ashley Squires. She grew up, loved her family, moved to Arizona and was working at her aunt's Montessori school considering the options for her future.
Then Robert and Ashley fell in love (a story that merits its own post in the future), and got married on July 8, 2006. All was wedded bliss!
Little did they know that in October of 2007, while in Vet Tech School, Robert was mutating! And not just any normal cancerous mutation of the leukemia variety either, it triggered a mutation of a different variety. His cancer cells literally activated within him SUPERPOWERS!!! Robert became . . . RobDob The Incredible Leukemia Slaying Superhero Extraordinaire!
Through the magic of marriage and true superhero beginnings Ashley too began to change! Slowly at first. Then on that fateful Friday November 16th, 2007 when they received the call that Robert had leukemia and they were on the way to the hospital, the metamorphosis was complete. Ashley was the Trusty Incredible Ashpants!
Now as you can see, it is a year and four months later. They have a first saga and victorious battle with leukemia! You can read more about the details of that super fight here. Those stinky little leukemia cells have returned! So, on Friday February 6, 2009 Ashley got out their super suits and capes, boots and all, and drove them back to the hospital to fight again! This is where you can read about all the adventures, super leukemia slaying moments, joys and occasional sadness's, laughter and tears of the current saga and battle of RobDob and His Trusty Sidekick Ashpants!
*Robert Update: The doctors are not sure if he has the same AML he had previously. They did extensive blood work on Saturday and we are waiting for the results. Robert started chemo Sunday Feb. 8, and they think this may be the only round he will need to receive in Las Vegas. He will definitely be receiving another bone marrow transplant, that will happen in Tucson, And should occur in the next couple of months. After his first transplant Robert never got graph vs. host disease (rejection symptoms) that would have caused his new marrow to have some immunity against the remaining old marrow. . So this time around Robert won't take any anti-rejection meds until he has mild symptoms of G vs. H disease.